The Red Light
by The Sith Virtuoso
Summary: A drunken bet, a one-night show, and a certain Glorious Executioner. Rated M for sexual themes and the things Draven would likely do if videogames weren't rated :)))) Supposed to be a one-shot, but it felt better split into two parts. Please review and enjoy! Characters property of RiotGames. Cover art by GisAlmeida (which incidentally is where I got the inspiration for this story)
1. The Prelude

**Author's note: I tried my best. This is my first foray into comedy. Please review and enjoy! - SV**

* * *

 **The Red Light**

 _"Who wants some Draven?!"_

* * *

Darius felt like he was aging ten years with every passing minute.

 _How did Draven even get himself into this show?_

He regretted with every fiber of his seven foot being ever making that bet.

 _That's the last fucking time I'm drinking with Draven._

He looked to his side and saw Talon Du Couteau with a similarly sour expression.

He watched as his brother all but strutted towards the stage right before the curtains were coming up.

He ran his hands through his temples thinking that the sounds of the whooping female mob were going to give him a stroke.

 _Kindred take me now..._

* * *

 **Two nights before...**

"And then—and then—he tried to beg for his life," laughed Draven, unable to continue his tale any more.

Talon was out cold, mouth agape beside him on the bar table.

Gragas' brew was stronger than any home-made Noxian moonshine, that was for sure.

"This would be somewhat funny if you hadn't told it ten times in the past hour, damnit," growled Darius.

Even Darius found it hard to be composed, and yet even in his semi-drunken state he found it amazing that Draven could manage to irritate him so.

 _How? How are we brothers?_ Darius lamented.

"D'aww...big brother," Draven teased.

He was drunk beyond reason, "You gotta learn to lighten up, big guy!"

The elder of the famous Blood Brothers simply scowled and bellowed for another round.

"I know how to lighten up damn it," Darius growled, draining his mug in one angry gulp.

Draven raised a lopsided eyebrow and showed a toothy grin, "You're _more_ wasted than I am, Darius. That ain't what _Draven_ is talking about."

Draven put an emphasis on saying Draven. It needed to have that certain level of _Draven_ that only Draven himself can give.

"I AM NOT!" roared Darius who was red as a beet, "what foolishness are you talking about?"

"Tsk tsk...how will you attract the ladies with that kind of attitude. Notice how... _Draven_ does it," and the younger brother laughed out loud.

"Bah," Darius spat, "I _take_ any woman who catches my fancy, brother. STRENGTH AND POWER! That is my charm."

Draven drained his next mug and ridiculed his elder brother through bloodshot eyes.

"Pitiful...I can do so much better."

Perhaps it was the strength of the brew, perhaps it was his desire to humiliate his obnoxious little brother, but a rare, mischievous idea had come into life in Darius' intoxicated mind.

"Better huh?" he belched, "Want to bet?"

Draven laughed a little too much and ended up slapping Talon in the nose. Thankfully, the assassin was as numb to the world as ever.

"Draven _always_ wins, Darius. You know that."

Darius allowed himself a rare—albeit red-faced smirk. The seven foot warrior then violently shook the unconscious Talon until he came to.

Talon groaned with eyes out of focus, mumbling incoherently.

"There...we have a witness!" Darius laughed, "in two nights it will be the Solstice holiday, right?"

Draven nodded in a drunk sneer.

"Then you know about how most of the female champions are going for a "Girls' Night Out" at the XXXquisite that same night?"

"Yes, bro...Draven knows", said Draven, poking semi-conscious Talon in the ear with one of the decorative feathers on his outrageous outfit, "Draven _always_ knows."

"Then prove to me—and Talon—that _Draven_ is more than just the Glorious Executioner... _you_ have to do a routine. A full show. Do we shake on it? If you win, you prove me wrong about how to charm women, and if I win, you—"

Darius _had_ meant his wager, then realized what the hell he had to _gain_ from it.

He half expected—no hoped—Draven to turn away with a usual pigheaded excuse.

But in his intoxicated state forgot that this was _Draven_ he was talking to.

A _drunk_ Draven to be exact.

To Darius' despair, Draven not only shook his elder brother's hand, but had also turned on a small recording device that got Darius' original wager word-per-word.

To make matters worse, Draven stood atop the bar table for the entire pub to see and hear.

"DRAVEN WILL DO THEM ALL!" Draven hollered.

At the back of what was left of his mind, Darius was already regretting making the bet.

 _What have I done?_

He looked to Talon as if expecting him to object to what the entire pub had just heard.

Talon groggily returned his gaze and suddenly showered him with a flood of vomit.

* * *

The ladies in attendance—Champions of the League and otherwise—were demanding more and more and more.

Set in the XXXquisite, the highest end nightclub in Runeterra that catered to a mostly female clientele always threw out their best shows on special holidays like the Solstice.

The performers there were renowned to be—ahem—'the husbands that these ladies never had'

And so far, every performer had pleased the riotous female bonanza to boiling point.

But now it was late, and the last of the night's performers was scheduled to go on.

The infamous Red Light Show.

The act billed for the Solstice was the renowned professional known as Mike the Mage.

"All right, all right, all right! Are you ready, Ladies of Valoran?" the emcee teased on his microphone.

The crowd exploded into a frenzy.

When the raucousness died down after some time, the emcee continued.

"We've got a _surprise_ act for you, tonight! Get ready ladies...this man has sworn to burn the pants off of you!"

The electricity in the room was palpable as the emcee signalled for what was to be the last show of the night!

* * *

Though Draven _had_ been drunk at the time he had made that bet, he couldn't deny making the bet.

He had all but announced to the world he was going to be the main act of that night.

It would make a for a welcome change anyway from his usual routine.

Also, he did make a dashing sight in the sequined, sleeveless open-chested dinner jacket, scarlet bowtie, tight black leather pants and slicked back hair he had sported for the occasion.

 _Perfection? I got plenty of that._

Draven would know.

Draven had spent that whole evening admiring himself in his full length mirror right before the show started.

 _Draven is what all the ladies need._

He looked to the side of the stage where Darius and Talon watched him with hilariously flabbergasted faces.

 _Heh that makes it worth,_ he smiled toothily.

He bowed his head, smile and axes at the ready as the curtains began to part and the mob of females came into view.

 _This is gonna be good!_


	2. The Show

The beat started with a rhythmic strut.

It was a song Draven had personally picked for the occasion—axe-related threats to the DJ notwithstanding.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

And with every beat, Draven thrust his axes suggestively on diamond studded grindstones set on the stage, the sparks adding to the glamor of the stage along with the red lights and the smoke machines.

When the crowd of women saw who their surprise act was, it was mostly deafening cheers that met his ears.

But he also saw that some of the ladies there—champions who had professed their distaste of him—did not applaud and were instead red-faced.

Draven was not fazed at all, and his signature smile only grew wider.

 _By the end of tonight y'all want a piece of Draven._

The opening beat finished, Draven set himself to 'work' and strutted his way to the front of the stage, spinning his axes seductively.

 ** _'I'm just a bachelor_**

 ** _I'm looking for a partner_**

 ** _Someone who knows how to ride_**

 ** _Without even falling off'_**

He tossed both axes high, embedding themselves in the ceiling, cutting scarlet silk curtains to reveal a giant disco-ball that Draven had purchased for his act, all the while gyrating his hips seductively to the beat.

The crowd cheered louder, and Draven knew he was getting to them.

 ** _'Gotta be compatible_**

 ** _Takes me to my limits_**

 ** _Girl when I freak you out_**

 ** _I promise you won't want to get off'_**

The spotlight was on him where it belonged, and Draven could only imagine his elder brother's reaction to this new glorious feat of Draven would be like.

 ** _'If you're horny, let's do it._**

 ** _Ride it, my pony'_**

At the refrain, Draven thrust his hips and suggestively eased off the studded leather belt he wore with what he thought was a winning smile and pose, grabbing his crotch with his free hand.

 ** _'My saddle's waiting_**

 ** _Come and jump on it'_**

Ovaries were exploding left-and-right as far as Draven was concerned. The bawdy catcalls all but drowned out the music and the cash was starting to rain down in droves.

The Glorious Executioner started to run his hands over his body, licking his lips for the next run of the refrain.

 ** _'If you're horny let's do it_**

 ** _Ride it, my pony_**

 ** _My saddle's waiting_**

 ** _Come and jump on it'_**

" _DRAVEN! DRAVEN! DRAVEN!"_ the women cheered in sync with the beat.

Draven then got down on the stage, rhythmically thrusting his hips on the floor as he slid closer to the riot of females, winking at Lux who turned red as a beet and flashed a slightly embarrassed but flattered smile.

He didn't miss the look of lust in the young blonde's eyes though.

 ** _'Sittin' here flossing_**

 ** _Peepin' your steelo'_**

Sending one hand down to his crotch, he began to undo his bowtie with the other—and his teeth—while continuing to wave his body to the rhythm of the song.

 _' **Just once if I had the chance**_

 ** _The things I would do to you'_**

Without missing a beat, Draven tossed the scarlet tie to the crowd which promptly scrambled over it. When he saw the victor of the momentary tussle, he had to fight a laugh.

 **"YOU I LIKE!"** Illaoi shouted, slowly touching one of her ample breasts with a muscular hand.

The feverish priestess then licked the red, Draven-drenched tie, lustful eyes straight on the gyrating Executioner on stage.

At another time, Draven would have been slightly embarassed.

Slightly.

But here was a level of _Draven_ that Draven himself could never have thought he could achieve.

And Draven liked it.

 **' _You and your body_**

 ** _Every single portion'_**

Draven ground lower to the ground, teasing the ladies—slowly and surely taking his vest to his waist—before whipping it off in a way only Draven could.

The whoops and cheers only grew wilder if that were even possible.

An open mouthed Fiora was stroking the metal pole she had stood beside.

Caitlyn and Vi were fast making out and feeling up each other—but their eyes were locked on his strong, bare chest.

Shyvana was fast fanning herself, out of breath & glowing with lust that threatened to burn the club's shag carpet.

Sona, who had commandeered the DJ table in the back, bit her luscious lips and threw Draven a hungry look.

Poppy was throwing mounds and mounds of cash onto his stage while cheering "DRAVEN! I LOVE YOU!" randily.

 **' _Send chills up and down your spine_**

 ** _Juices flowing down your thigh'_**

The now bare-chested Draven even saw the Widowmaker in the crowd lick her hand before placing it in her pants.

 _She wants a taste of Draven..._ and suddenly he got a brilliant idea while licking his lips and running his hands through his hair.

* * *

With a skilful backflip, the Glorious Executioner leapt into the front of the stage to raucous applause, and took the hands of the two lucky women who promptly squealed in delight as he led them on the very front of the stage just in time for the next refrain.

 ** _'If you're horny let's do it_**

 ** _Ride it, my pony_**

Draven let Katarina and Ashe have their way with him, running their fingers and bodies on his to the seductive beat and bawdy ovation that probably could be heard all the way to the Fields of Justice.

 ** _'My saddle's waiting_**

 ** _Come and jump on it'_**

Kissing both the platinum blonde bombshell queen of the Freljord and Noxus' fiery redheaded vixen in the lips, he led the breathless ladies off stage—not before earning a few thousand credits down his pants.

 ** _'If you're horny let's do it_**

 ** _Ride it, my pony'_**

The crowd suddenly pushed a blushing raven-haired beauty to its front with raucous cheers and laughter to Draven's delight.

 _Saucy..._

Vayne was blushing fiercely, with her ample breasts heaving and that leather catsuit of hers somewhat unzipped at the top.

She was also adamant on being staunchly anti-Draven.

 _We'll see about that,_ Draven thought, smiling and looking at Vayne in a way that made the Night Hunter's knees go weak.

 ** _'My saddle's waiting_**

 ** _Come and jump on it'_**

He carried her off to the stage before she could resist and guided her slender hands seductively to his pants while gyrating to the song.

 _"TAKE THEM OFF! TAKE THEM OFF!"_ The crowd demanded, drowning out the music.

He heard her breath hitch when he winked.

 _' **If we're gonna get nasty baby**_

 ** _First we'll show and tell'_**

It dawned on her that Draven _did_ want her to rip his pants off.

 ** _'Till I reach your pony tail, oh_**

 ** _Lurk all over and through you baby'_**

Unable to control herself, Vayne obliged right on cue, revealing a diamond-studded black leather thong under his tight pants and the grand bulge that beheld itself to countless gasps and squeals of female pleasure.

Bras and panties began to rain down on the stage in addition to cash.

"Oh...my...GEMS!" he heard a man squeal from the crowd, and saw out the corner of his eye that Taric collapsed in a heap of lust with a big smile on his face.

 _All the girls want Draven, and some men too!_

 ** _'Until we reach the stream_**

 ** _You'll be on my jockey team, oh'_**

Before Vayne could gather herself, Draven locked his lips in for a kiss, taking her into his arms and bringing her down to the floor, thrusting his hips between hers.

 _' **If you're horny, let's do it**_

 ** _Ride it, my pony'_**

Vayne then exploded—all that pent-up sexual frustration—flipping a nearly naked Draven on his back while she indeed rode his leatherclad, diamond-studded pony to the song with a rare and sultry smile on her face.

 ** _'My saddle's waiting_**

 ** _Come and jump on it'_**

 _Well now, that's a good surprise!_ Draven thought as he thrust in sync to hers and ran his hand down her sweaty, voluptuous chest and perfect abdomen, her catsuit having come undone dangerously low.

 _Lady, YOU are getting some Draven tonight!_ he promised, pleasuring Vayne to the cheers, the red lights and steamy rhythm.

 ** _'If you're horny, let's do it_**

 ** _Ride it, my pony_**

 ** _'My saddle's waiting_**

 ** _Come and jump on it'_**

Draven was hard beyond imagination and he was loving it.

Here was his prize, his applause, and a vast crowd of ladies who wanted some Draven for themselves.

 _Oh yeah...Draven WILL do them all...WITH STYLE! _he smirked and kissed Vayne again on the lips to the beat as ovaries exploded in pleasure and envy all around him.

 ** _'If you're horny, let's do it_**

 ** _Ride it, my pony_**

 ** _'My saddle's waiting_**

 ** _Come and jump on it'_**

* * *

Darius did not know what he was feeling as he and a flabbergasted Talon left the XXXquisite, Draven at their heels.

It was a peculiar mix of fury, indignation and embarrassment.

He wanted nothing more than to slam his face on the flat side of his axe at that moment.

Repeatedly.

When Draven finally caught up to the two—thankfully putting a pair of pants back on at least—he was loaded with cash and kiss marks.

Darius also saw that his younger brother's bare chest was all but tattooed with phone numbers written in lipstick.

He promptly groaned in exasperated disgust when he saw his brother cheekily flash a smile and cocky eyebrow at him.

"Bro, I gotta hand it to you," Draven bragged, "you get some bright ideas when wasted!"

 _No. Please. Stop._

"By the way, I just got offered a full time slot at the XXXquisite, all thanks to you! Best show they ever had! If you want, we could make this a double-act and finally rub that big frown off your face!" Draven laughed.

"Well...Shauna's waiting for more... _Draven_ tonight. Think about that deal big bro, wouldn't you?"

And off Draven went with a strutting spring in his step and a characteristic Draven grin on his face.

"How the hell are you two related?" Talon said after a long silence, looking at the distance where his two adoptive sisters strolled out of the club with gleeful smiles on their faces.

"You tell me," the Hand of Noxus sighed.

* * *

 **Footnote: the song is "Pony" by Ginuwine and featured on the film Magic Mike. Hope you**


End file.
